Wednesday, August 8, 2012

I wish I was a mermaid

Image:  Kazzie Mahina... local Byron mermaid, swimming in Tonga with a Humpback Whale

Everyday is a moment... and I'm never sure what I'm doing one day to the next. Recent days have included being back in the studio splashing around some paint, or my garden project of creating a bird bath and planting flowers. I've really got into watching the London Olympics, which together with our beautiful Byron Spring weather, has thankfully inspired me to get out in the mornings for a beach walk and swim. I'm so grateful for this and definitely feeling better for a bit of sunshine and physical activity. Winter did seem to be an endless stream of cold wet days and couch potato activity. Hence I am heavier and rounder than ever and would really like to slim down a bit for summer. Emotionally it is a never ending unknown. Some days are good... some days are depressing... both for unknown reasons. I do wonder what I am doing with my life... still out to lunch on that one. I found myself listening again to Adyashanti's talk on' Depression - Dark Night of the Soul' this week, and certainly found a resonance with his explanation of this experience.

I see friends of mine on facebook... out there exploring the world. I love the idea of travel... but with no money at the moment that's just an idea. I have thought about getting a job and even applied for one recently... but the woman was going away and said she would get back to me. I don't really have any answers... as I said it's just a moment to moment thing. This morning I found myself balling my eyes out watching Anna Meares and Sally Pearson win gold on the Olympics and I'm not even sporty!!! I'm just all tooooo weird even for myself these days.

I never know what is going to happen next, or not, how I'm going to feel or respond to life or not.... it really is a mystery and yet I am constantly... and I mean constantly... trying to work it out. Exhausting!!! I suppose the best moment and the best thing I can find these days are the moments I am in the ocean... dipping, swimming, splashing and screaming in my natural naked state. This is where I feel the most of something that is authentically me. Unfortunately it is only a 10minute swim in a 24hour day. Shame I'm not a mermaid. I think I could happily live in the ocean.


  1. Read all your posts (found your blog through Nonduality Highlights, which I read gratefully every day) and appreciate your expression of living in the question. It's wonderful to feel a kindred spirit in your don't know but wanna know. ;-D I read a lot of the books by awakened beings and feel a wistfulness, even as I learn from them, so it's refreshing to hear you speak from the midst of the confusion. You've helped me understand something about my own work (my book, I Promise Not to Suffer: A Fool for Love Hikes the Pacific Crest Trail, comes out Spring 2013), not awake but not not-awake, just on some puzzling journey. Thank you, blessings, and I'll subscribe to your blog.

    1. Hi Gail... thanks so much for taking the time to read my blog. You are the first person to comment... perhaps even the first person to read my blog... so thanks again. I am really touched that you relate to what has been written. I started the blog for that exact reason. Like you I have read a lot of books, sat with teachers, listened to broadcasts etc... and yes in the question periods I sometimes here myself in others... but in general the sharing is kept to focussing on being awake. Which is fair enough... afterall that's why the groups gather with a teacher. And yes I think there are also a hell of a lot of people out there that are awake, nearly awake or even just waking up that share this journey of confusion, doubt, dark nights etc... which I'm starting to realise is pretty normal in this journey with no destination. I look forward to hearing about your book. Please let me know when its available. All the best. M x